Ahhhhhhh heaven.

I had lunch with friends today, we ate outside right next to the river, glorious sunshine, refreshing breeze, girlie chat, no kids and great food!
I keep forgetting to say that I took the Orlistat for just about a month, my diet is low in fat that it was unnecessary,should I hit a phase where my old habits try to creep back in, I may take them again but I don't need them now, not physically or emotionally as a crutch.

Slimfast
Ripped chicken risotto with a delicious curry sauce to pour, heavenly and probably not too diet friendly but as I am so strict ever yday I'm sure no real damage is done. It was so satisfying that I think I shall just have some ryvita for supper but don't feel the need for a meal as such.

another day ....

Every day that I stick with the plan feels good, today was a great day.
Slimfast
Chicken sandwich in the park.A good magazine and perfect peace! Just me.
Cod in butter sauce and peas for dinner.

wednesday.

Great day today.
Slimfast
ryvita and jam ( need that sweet thing today!)
WHOOHOO! Found some fat free sausages, 60 cals each so had THREE, 2 turkey rashers and beans...oh the beans....I am playing the trumpet voluntary but without a trumpet, just as well as I am alone in this room this evening.

so so day.

Not much to say today....
Slimfast
Lunch with Dan at Jordan's work ...baked potato, ham and salad.H cooked dinner of lemon chicken and rice.

Jam on it!

I had such a craving for sweet this morning...had 2 slices of bread and jam, as far as sins go that has to be a pathtic one, albeit delicious. I hope that I keep this great feeling of disinterest in chocolate, sometimes I think I want some and then when I really make myself think about it.....don't want it at all. Hooray!
Slimfast
Ryvita and marmite ( must eat some different lunches soon or I'll get bore, for now I love this lunch!!)
Spaghetti bolognese and low fat garlic bread.

I am enjoying shopping for food lately too, I feel very healthy and superior when I look in other trollies and see such prepackaged gunk there. Ha.....me, the look down the nose shopper. Who'd have thought it.
I also find myself glancing at hugely overweight people stocking up on cookies and crisps and want to tell them how good it feels to eat good food and not punish yourself with all the stuff that makes you feel so miserable.
I think of the years and years I have thrashed my poor body with such poor choices and just wish I had been able to feel like this sooner. I also wish I could package the desire and determination to change.....It'd make a whole world of difference to so many people.
Oh, another thought, as I try on new clothes and they fit, when I put on old clothes and they are too big...I am struck by the awesome realisation that this is forever, if that is what I choose. I need never again wear those huge clothes, the rain jacket that I bought and never wore because it was ridiculously too small, well it fits, it will always fit and become too big...if I choose it. I am in charge of my body and what happens to it, what I put in it, how often I exercise it. That is an enormous thing for someone who has been so out of control for so many years. 21 years. Every day a new inkling of how great this new life can be..if I choose.
I don't feel like a freak anymore. I am still big, still overweight but I don't feel so outcast or ashamed. Being fat is a miserable way to be, for me it was like a prison. I love seeing what the world is going to be like for me when this weight is gone. It can't be soon enough for me.

Minds eye bigger than my belly!

For all my talk of ribs and kebabs.....couldn't eat more than 1 good rib, 1 chicken drumstick and some salad!
I cooked the kebabs for dinner today with peas and rice.
Cottage cheese and ryvita, apple and tomato for lunch
Slmfast for breakfast
I really love a tall glass of lime cordial with slimline tonic water, so refreshing and sharp!

AHEM!!!

OK, the router thingumy on our computer has died, so until the new one comes we are on dial up....sheesh. This means that I can't use my laptop that has all my stuff on, like my weightloss ticker, so I got weighed yesterday, had to go and start a new ticker, put in what I was at the start, what I am now.....and lookie here.....



Must have screwed up somewhere as I lost 3 extra pounds somewhere, who cares its EXTRA! 42lbs......cool. Happy me, can actually feel it and see it now ( I should hope so too!) nearly half way, I think that the weight loss will be more noticeable from here on in, that fist part was pretty thankless as far as visible evidence goes. The fact that my BMI, colesterol and sugar levels have come down so beautifully too is a great thing.

Tonight we are having ribs and kebabs, I will only have maybe one or two ribs, the kebabs are so low fat they hardly count.
It is a gorgeous day perfect for ribs and baked potatoes.

It does look as though I don't eat much and compared to the amount I used to eat it is miniscule. I don't write down the snacks though, I eat bran cereal for supper, fruit and sometimes eat extra ryvita, I am never hungry, whatever I am eating is obviously right for me as I am losing weight, feel well and have energy. I shall keep on keeping on til I get where I want to be!

Miss slimfast.

Slimfast is certainly the best way for me to start the day, I ran out yesterday and forgot to restock...
2 slices toast.
Ryvita and mramite for lunch
Fish fingers ( not to be confused with the fishsticks I encountered in the states!!These are delicious whole cod in breadcrumb. ) peas.

Feels so good!

To be wearing jeans 2 sizes smaller that aren't stretch.NOT stretch. YIPPEE!!

Slimfast ( darn it forgot to buy some and have run out)
Weight watcher type soup, chicken, leek and potato, was OK but no jigging legs or humming going on.
Dinner...MUCH leg jigging and humming, roast chicken, new potatoes and saurkraut.

feeling pretty good.

It's great to be on an even keel. It's amazing that food can be such an unimportant part of life. For years it has been the first thing I think of and actually the most dominant part of life. Now, it really is becoming something I need to do to be well and healthy. My tastes are changing dramatically, it's great!

Slimfast
Pasta and a fresh tomato sauce.
Ryvita and cottage cheese.

The treadmill is going to a great thing, so much more difficult than walking to school.....i'm almost embarrassed at how hard I find it, I am definately going to have to work the times longer as i go along, pathetic how short a time I can manage at the moment, I have to do a couple of shorter stints right now, it really gets my heart pounding! I can really feel that now my eating is so much more under control, it is the exercise that is going to have to be my focus. UGH! a challenge indeed.

Has your mum.....

I went to see Jordan and work ( and have lunch!) todday, nice visit, when I left, he tells me that one of the other workers there said
" has your mum lost a lot of weight, cause it looks like it!"
Whoohoo!! that makes it easier to get through another day.

Slimfast.
Ham and salad baguette.
steak new potatoes, peas, carrots and corn.
Fresh fruit and fat free yoghurt.

good day today.

Thank goodness!!
Slimfast
Left over pork cooked with yellow pepper, water chestnuts and a Kung Po sauce. mmmmm.
Fresh fruit salad with low fat raspberry and cranberry yoghurt.

And an early morning brsik walk on my treadmill, fab.

I'll do it, if it kills me!

look, I found a kind of before picture.....this was November, cropped most of me out because I didn't like me, but I think you can see a change??




HA HA !! see what I bought for £10 at a car boot sale? I can ( and will) sweat in the privacy of my own home, I can go faster and not worry if anyone is looking, can watch TV or listen to music ( H made me a ton of great CDs with Taylor Hicks on too) I am detremined to break throught this slump, its either that or give up, we've done that too many times.....cheer me on people. I've got 60lbs to go, I've got the eating thing under control, now I have to move it.. MOVE IT!!
Slimfast
Cheese and tomato sandwich
Cold pork and salad for dinner.

Oh and Lacey..... MARMITE

snarl.

One of those days, can't be very positive and have eaten because, well because. I actually feel like eating chips and chocolate and cake and more chips. I haven't, because that would make me feel more horrible and more cross.
I wonder if emotions will ever NOT cause me to want to eat.

Am I posh after all?

Ha....I remember when I was a nanny, in London , the people I worked for would always have dark chocolate in the fridge, they would eat maybe one square every nw and then and that one bar would last WEEKS! I do that now...ME one bar of really good, dark chocolate and sometimes I have maybe a couple of squares. La de da, posh me.

Slimfast
Ryvita and marmite
H cooked pork chops and rice for dinner. I like not having to think about what to eat!!

2 days in one.

I somehow missed yesterdays blog.....so here it is along with today.
Slimfast, both days for breakfast.
Yesterday we had lunch out, mum, Dan and I, I had baked potato chicken and salad.
Dinner was ......was......hang on, I might remember any minute. Oh, dull old sandwich I think. Great supper though, I bought some all bran cereal, mixed it with natural yoghurt, raspberries and banana, filling and healthy. can this be me?!?

Today I had ryvita, yummy sesame ones with cottage cheese and apple, I love this with black pepper.




Dinner is gammon steaks with salad.

YIPPEE!!

this morning, I tried on three pairs of jeans and trousers that haven't fitted me...THEY FIT, without lying down......oh JOY!
The enthusiasm is coming back, I blame A.F for the down in the dumps feeling, also the munchies. Gone now, all back to feeling ready to fight the flab again, also each time I get through another slump I feel such a sense of achievem=ent. not having given in.
Slimfast
Lunch.. FORGOT lunch, FORGOT IT!! Not hungry, busy, FORGOT IT!!
Dinner was green thai chicken curry and very nice it was too.

sunday

Still can't quite be bothered with food, but that in itself is almost miraculous!
Slimfast
Tuna, chopped salad veggies and apple for lunch with a slice of cranberry bread.
Slimfast for dinner because everyone had pizza and I couldn't be bothered to make something different!!
Oh, I went to church today after a 3 week break with all the sickness we have had here. I loved it that people noticed I have lost weight. I needed that as it has been feeling as though I am getting nowhere, the weight is coming off but i really can't SEE it yet, I feel it and my clothes are getting looser, but so far it just isn't a noticeable change. I hope it will soon be obvious that the weight is coming off.
A.F is here and what a relief, the few days before I get SO hungry, just want to stuff my fat face all day long. I managed not to but it was hard! Now I can just get back on track and feel a bit better I hope!

dull kind of day.

Definately one of those days where it all feels like too much trouble! I hate these days because it would be so easy to just graze all day and eat junk.
slimfast
Some delicious wholemeal and cranberry bread and cheese. ( very thinly sliced)
Dinner was a steak, green beans mushrooms and white rice.Totally lacking in imagination, blurgh!!

Must try and get back into postitive thinking tomorrow.

I got me a book.

A simple book named 101 low fat feasts. It is FAB, it is easy and every meal looks like something you'd jig your legs for and hum while you eat.
I am going to make my way through it and jig and hum and get thin.



Down 2lbs.....slow but sure I suppose!



Slimfast
Lunch was Tuna and tomato rice.



Simple to make......just boiled white rice,
2 slices bacon ( I used turkey rashers, even less fat)fried in one cal spray with a chopped onion and garlic, add some mushrooms, salt and pepper, add 2 cans chopped tomatoes and tuna when the bacon is crispy, then when the sauce is bubbling, add the rice and allow to stand while the sauce is soaked up by the rice.

Dinner sweetcorn and chicken soup.

A whole new kind of bad.

I'm still too close to it to actually admit the things ( and amount) I used to eat. I can say that it wasn't ever about being hungry, much more about punishing myself.I look back now at the way I fed my misery and am astounded at just what I did to myself. I'm not sure I ever felt that I was eating 'bad' food. I didn't ever feel guilt but I loathed myself.
Now, I think differently, I think much more about what good the food I eat can do me. I also find myself realising when I have eaten something that feels 'bad'and that old feeling of being useless creeps back in, I make myself think about what I have eaten.....it is amazing to me that, like today, on a day when it feels as if everything has gone to pot and I have blown it, when I look at what I have eaten...well. look. Today has been a day that feels like gorging.

Slimfast
Lunch was at the park with Eli, cheese and salad sandwich, snack pack of potato chips.
Dinner, at a beautiful village pub with H and NO CHILDREN


was rack of lamb, new potatoes and a mix of the most delicious fresh vegetables, swede, leeks, carrots...heaven.
I mean look at that, apart from the chips ( 184 cals worth) there is nothing 'bad' there, cheese is a rare treat and it was delicious. Cheese, a treat! I am a new me.
I feel so full I can hardly move. How did I used to eat what I used to?
I love this new life!!

Tired.

I wanted to write a load of things today, I am too tired!! So, the list today and maybe the chat tomorrow!
Slimfast
Lunch out with mum and Leah, baked potato and a variety of yummy salads with cottage cheese.dinner, tomato and lentil soup, with a ham and tomato sandwich.

Still doing good.

Definately a really good phase at the moment, I am feeling better and have an appetite of sorts but a small one, it is such a huge new experience for me, food is truly not of any mportance any more. I enjoy what I eat but it doesn't fill my mind or dominate my life. Amazing.
I still felt quite sick this morning so only managed 1/2 a slimfast.
Lunch was a honey sandwich.
Dinner was pasta and the delicious tomato sauce.
Muller do a great very low fat yoghurt, banana and custard flavour, with chopped banana in it is gorgeous.
Oh, and another new experience.....having to hike my trousers up all the time! YIPPEEEEE!!

Tummy is better.....

And I am hungry...VERY hungry...sort of THIS hungry



The old me would have told myself " days without eating, should probaby make up for that, won't hurt, just today....I'll be good again tomorrow" and I'd have gone ahead and eaten for England.
The new me knows that the days that have just gone by might well have helped me on my way to gorgeousness and thin ladies clothes, it'd be shame to look THAT gift horse in the mouth, so I had
Slimfast for breakfast
Weight watchers vegetable soup and ryvita for lunch ( and rather than hurt my por throat those crunchy ryvita gave it a lovely scratch on the way down, much appreciated.)
Dinner is some pork loins, trimmed of any fat browned and then cooked in a lemon and ginger sauce served with white rice.

Yuk

Slimfast
Dry bread
Toast.
Not a good day, except maybe for weight loss!!

Comfort food, hug meals.

I wonder why food has such an ability to make things seem better??
I have ( yet again) a hideously bad throat, in fact my throat AND tongue are swollen and poorly and SORE. When you feel ill it is SO important to eat the foods that comfort and heal.
This morning my tongue was so swollen I couldn't swallow at all, so maybe half a slimfast was all I could do.
A trip to the doctors, some meds and some pain killers and I managed a soft chicken sandwich at lunch.
Dinner, ahhhh, nice dinner, make me feel all comfy and safe and as if all will be well dinner. I had forgotten about these....boil in the bag fish in sauce. 85 cals, 5% fat, delicious , I had TWO! Cod in butter sauce, boiled potatoes and peas, I know it was delicious, even though I couldn't even taste it! I will, for sure, be eating more of these, even when I am better!

another good one.

Sunshine!! We have SUNSHINE, life feels so much better when it is warm and sunny.....heaven to me, a sun lover in England, poor me!!
Slimfast. to start the day
Plain pasta with a light tomato sauce, it was so good yesterday,I recreated it at home for lunch today!
Dinner, was breakfast! Turkey rashers ( that are SO exactly like BAcon without the fat) tinned tomatoes, poached egg and toast, MMMMMMM.

The exercise is coming on great, who'd have thought it possible?!?