It's raining, it's pouring....

Ahhhhh, cool rain at last.....which means that we had a hot meal tonight!

Slimfast
2 tortillas with ham for lunch.
Liver and bacon with onions and mashed potatoes and cabbage.

another day gone.

Weird day today, one of those that seem like they have lasted for at least a week but still you get nothing done.
Slimfast
Ryvita and dairylea light.
Dinner was a pork chop cooked in a spicy sauce, nothing wrong with buying jarred sauces, just check the fat and calorie levels. White rice, though the boys ate so much there wasn't uch left for me!! Thanks boys, help mummy lose weight!!

saturday.

Slimfast
Baked potato, cottage cheese, pineapple and salad ( all on my own in a seaside cafe while kids were at a party ISAAC LET ME LEAVE!!)Read a trashy magazine while I ate too.
Ham and mustard sandwich.

pretty good day.

Slimfast ~(actually stores own brand which is much cheaper and had NEW flavour, blackcurrant and blueberry mmmmmmmmm)
Egg mayo sandwich ( thankyou Hellmans for the extra lite)
Spaghetti with turkey rashers and delicious tomato sauce.

I am , for now, incorporating some treats in , I found some gorgeous sorbet type desserts, almost fat free and SO delicious. I think part of my problem the past few weeks has been being so rigid about everything. I actually found myself getting more and more obsessed with how little I could eat. Pretty sure my body shut down and held onto everything as a protest!
It feels good to be eating again and enjoying it.

A huge sigh of relief.

Oh sweet joy, at LAST....my mind is back where it needs to be for this whole journey to the new and thinner me, to that glorious place where I will be comfortable in my skin, albeit it wrinkly and loose! Lets face it, if you blow up a balloon and let it stay stretched and taught for the longest time and then very slowly let the air out.....you get the picture, that's ME, there is so much a lovely smelling firming cream can do but I am realistic, I'm not going to get to the end of this without looking as though a good ironing is in order!
I went shopping today and had that giddy feeling of enthusiasm for buying turkey rashers and slimline tonic water. That feeling had run off with a skinny gal somewhere , I missed it. I have no idea how or why it came back but welcome it with open arms ( that are looking much thinner these days I have to say)I am incredibly proud of the fact that although I have been in the doldrums about dieting, I didn't give in. I felt shut off, unable to feel good and upbeat about the whole food thing. I could ( I swear) feel myself holding onto the weight and being at a total standstill. Frustrating but NO WEIGHT GAIN! I have got through the third occassion where I would have ( in olden days) have given up, headed right back to that ' oh it doesn't matter, you can't do it, it's too hard, being fat and miserable isn't the worst thing in the world, people love you anyway, you'll never do it anyway' lower than low place I have lived for so many years. I DIDN'T GO THERE! I am still here. Still believing that I CAN do it, I DO deserve it, it IS so close and possible and REAL.
I am excited about eating my favourite meals again, I can, once again, feel that empty and light feeling inside, rather than the heavy and static feeling.
I AM SO HAPPY!

Kellogs 'just right' cereal.
Egg mayonnaise ( extra lite )sandwich.
Chicken risotto
melt 1 tbs spoon of light margerine, cook chopped mushrooms, garlic, black pepper, until soft. Add 1 1/2 cups risotto rice and stir, heat through just for a minute, add 1 can fat free condensed mushroom soup, 1 can water. 1 1/2 cups frozen peas. Heat through until bubbling, stir well and then cover over a low heat until rice is soft and the liquid is pretty much absorbed. Add extra seasoning to taste and TUCK IN!!!

back in the saddle.

Hoorah, I am back on track again.
Cornflakes and banana for breakfast.
Marmite sandwich for lunch
Somehow it got to 9pm and I hadn't had dinner so just had some toast and fruit.

It did me good to just have that day of not caring, now I can feel enthusiastic again. this heat is a killer though, it's hard to thinkof cooking and food, so much easier to just grab a sandwich, or have chips....bad sunshine!!

I did it.

Ugh, I have been getting on my own nerves with this food thing, circling the kitchen talking myself out of eating all and sundry. Like a dog outside a butchers shop and growing more disgruntled by the minute. Today I told myself to just get on and eat it, stuff my face until I was ready to puke and shut up already.

I think it worked. I think I shut up the skinny women inside screaming to get out. Disappointed in myself a bit that i couldn't go so far as eating chocolate or ice cream but did eat 3 slices of toast and too many choc chip cookies. I also ate cheese and onion crisps, a whole pack, daring me. Even my bingeing is pathetic these days but the whining twit inside has indeed shut up already and is ready to eat properly again tomorrow ( birthday or not)
Perhaps giving in to the munchy monster once every 4 months isn't the worst thing in the world after all.

Forgot about that...

I made a stir fry for dinner, chicken and pineapple, beansprouts, mushrooms, peppers, soy sauce and chinese five spice, delicious. Just use a one cal / fry lite spray instead of oil.

Still having slimfast for breakfast
Chicken sandwich for lunch/

The weather .. or something, is making this whole healthy eating so hard right now. It's driving me crazy that I want such crappy food all the time. I have to get through this plateau and feel positive again.
I am stuck and want to lose again....ARGH!!!!

Thanks a LOT lacey!!

THIS is a chip butty. thick bread, thick, REAL butter and chips, crispy, fat greasy chips. I LOVE it, it is totally NOT good for you which of course makes it the most delicious thing ever. Typical.

Lucky me

I am out to lunch again today, with the girls this time.

I like it that I am able to eat out and still eat well.
I don't think I have lost weight for the past two weeks, on a plateau, I think i keep going it will start coming off again soon though. I hope.

Still here....still sticking with it.

I'm just a bit bored with writing about it every day!
The weather is SO hot so I am trying to eat cold meats, salad blah blah....the heat actually makes me want to eat MORE of the wrong stuff, chips at the beach, pasty on the run......it's tough cooking and planning when my brain is melting!!

Carbo cravings.

I hate it when I get the cravings for toast and bread and toast and CARBOS! Darn it if I didn't just eat 2 slices of toast that were screaming my name and wouldn't shut up. Oh well, better ignore any further shouting from those yummy, filling, comfort making, craving satisfying diet smashing things for the rest of the day.

I missed yesterday posting, Big Brother's fault, eviction day, was glued to it until my eyeballs melted and stuck to the back of my head, couldn't write a thing with no eyeballs could I?
Slimfast
Ham sandwich ( white bread, ugh, couldn't be bothered to go and get yummy granary)
Stuffed marrow, delicious and filling.

Today...
Slimfast
Toast.....delicious but hardly satisfying in a meal like way.
dinner is baked Cod with lemon, new potatoes and something green, that I haven't bought yet.

darned turkey kebabs

...last night's dinner wasn't just bad, it was BAD....poorly all day so just toast today.

I spy, wth my little eye, something beginning with....

CHEEKBONE!!!! Ok, so it was a glimpse, in a good light at a fortuitous angle but it WAS THERE, on MY face.Now if this had been a hip bone or even, imgaine, a rib that I had seen in passing on my body ..well... lawks a mercy who can imagine but a CHEEKBONE! Because I don't actually look at myself properly very often ( tending only to look at the bit I need to see, eg hair or eyelid etc) to glance in a mirror and see such a sight as a cheekbone was such a moment for me it made me look a bit closer at the rest of my face and heavens to Betsy if I didn't quite like what I saw. I think my eyes look clearer, not so clouded and lost in a puff ball of cheeks and fat lids. This is just a dream for me. I like it, I think I am beginning to like me.
I missed yesterdays entry, its so long ago I'm not sure I can remember what I ate,
Slimfast ( as if that taxed my brain remembering!)
Oh, prawns with salad and beetroot, slice of granary bread.
Cottage cheese and ryvita with fruit.

today

Slimfast
Marmite and salad sandwich on lovely granary bread.
Dinner sounds impressive but was actually horrible,
Turkey kebabs with a thai red marinade, lemon and coriander cous cous, ewwwwww how revolting was that? The fact that it looked almost identical to my gallstones didn't make me want to eat it much, the taste was , well, dry and not worth describing any more. Yuk.

I admit that I feel a bit impatient today, I want to be thin already, so I don't have to think of food anymore. I want to be able to grab a ready made shapers sandwich when I am out and forget it. I want not to be thinking about if I have lost weight, just want to be living life and thinking of other things. Now.

That was a long one.

What a loooooooong day, one that could have been filled with eating lovely things, but wasn't. A tough one for some reason. I think I have hay fever, sneezing and itchy eyes, itchy nose, more sneezing and a general feeling of being blurgh.
A good thing then that we have pretty much stopped buying all the things I could snack on, the boys have sweets only on saturday, so no wstashes of sweets or chocolate, no chips or crisps, no cookies or cake ( boring house!!) so picking is cereal or ryvita..whoppiedoo, hardly worth bothering is it?!
slimfast
granary bread with marmite and salad
Chicken and rice, actually cooked like a risotto with some lemon pepper, garlic, mushrooms and fat free chicken soup.
I am clever, I take a bow. It's actually a really filling meal, I have a new bowl that when filled looks like a big old serving but isn't. I think that helps, having a big bowl with a small serving is depressing, a smaller bowl filled is heaven. Good trick.
I am more and more loving the diet tonic water and lime, a pint glass with ice and an apple really leaves me feeling as though I've had dessert or sweets, very refreshing in the hot evenings too.

Thinking.

I feel as though I am half way through this journey. At last I see that I am capable of completing this and actually reaching my goal.
I have been thinking the past few days about what is dfferent, what have I changed so much that has made such a change for me.
I'll try and list some of the differences.

Things I used to eat a lot of that I NEVER eat now.
Cakes, pasties, sausage rolls, pies. Peanut butter. Chips. CHIPS!! I can't believe that I just don't eat these at all anymore. I loved them. Chocolate bars. Never anymore, Imagine that. Once a week I may have a Fry's turkish delight, but no other chocolate passes my lips.No biscuits ( cookies). It isn't a bit difficult either, I don't actually want this stuff. Amazing!

The things I used to eat a lot of and now eat occassionally.
Toast. I used to eat piles of toast with thick butter. Now, I eat perhaps 2 slices a week, actually maybe every other week. I used to eat toast and peanut butter with hot chocolate. Now I eat just toast, thin margerine and I enjoy it just as much, more even because I'm not shovelling it in in a numb state of gorging.
Potatoes, mashed and roasted. I used to have potatoes everyday, now maybe twice a week I have baked potato. If I roast them I spray them with one cal light spray and then put them in the oven.

Slimfast
Chicken, beetroot salad, 2 slices granary bread, cucumber.
Ryvita and marmite.

Hoorah for me.

I just felt like putting that title because today I felt so thrilled that the reason my jeans were tight and my body bloated wasn't because I had stuffed it full of stodgy food or fat laden delicious and naughty food. I was down in the dumps about a wasteband that was making me feel sick when just a week ago it wasn't even noticeable. Hoorah for me then that it was just wicked old aunt flo.
It's 5 months since I started this new way of eating, 5 months, 45lbs lost and 50 to go...nearly half way there. I am SO excited, even aunt flo and bad moods and horrible news and stress and kids and living next door to a fabulous bakery ..none of that has stopped me losing 45lbs. HOORAH for me!







Slimfast
I can't remember for the life of me what lunch was!
Dinner was vegetable risotto with Haddock and boiled egg ( and delicious though it was, how much does Haddock make the kitchen smell??!!)

and another day...

..me thinks we are creeping towards that time every month where I could eat a scabby horse with a mad cow for dessert, everything looks appealing to me ( that's a lie spinach will never look appealing to me!)
I ate some cheese and onion crsips today, a small pack with 138 calories in it, not bad but a slippery slope if I let myself slip down it.

Slimfast
Ryvita, cottage cheese, apple.
Dinner is going to be grilled lamb steak with curly Kale and boiled potatoes.

Normal is as normal does.

I am sort of stunned to realise that this whole eating thing, well its just totally normal to me now, not having to even think about it much. Fabulous. Also unbelievable.
Slimfast.
ryvita and marmite.
Pretty darn delicious risotto, gammon, mushrooms, fat free chicken soup, pepper ..yum.

whoops......

somehow missed yesterday, cause it was boring and the same and dull and blurgh.
slimfast
chicken, homemade potato salad ( low fat) beetroot salad.
Ryvita and good old marmite.Today ..not much more interesting apart from the fact that THREE people commented on how I look, THREE I went to the school to get the boys and someone ( thankyou Donna) said that I was shrinking visibly..whoohoo. Saw mum after a few days of her being away and she said that she couldn't believe how I was looking either, then someone else said how they could see the loss too....oh sweet joy it's all worth it!
Toast and banana for breakfast.....ran out of slimfast again!!
Lunch was ryvita and marmite.
dinner was lazy, couldn't muster the energy to do a thing so I had 2 pieces of KFC and beans. No fries.
I am having a bad time lately, not feeling happy and can't see what to do about it...however I STILL don't eat crap, no bonge eating, no comfort eating, no unwise eating. Imagine.

saturday.

Slimfast
Marmite and beetroot salad sandwich
Roast chicken, baked potato, carrots, swede gravy,